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The following questions
arrived in email. My answers follow. The names have been changed.
How Do I Get My Kids To...... with the dog?
QUESTION:
I agree with everything you
just wrote regarding my role in Katie's continued good behavior after
rehabilitation at DarnFar. I can do everything by the book. It's my
children I worry about. They are not mature enough to understand how an animal
thinks or how they should behave. The funny thing is animals are always this way
toward my son. He seems to be the "weak one" in the pack and they can sense it.
Tommy is very trusting and naive and although I have explained things to
the kids many times they just cant comprehend that Katie is an animal acting out
of instinct not that she doesn't love them, etc...How do I teach the kids to
establish dominance? Katie knows to behave in my presence but as soon as I
am out of sight these bad behaviors seem to happen. I am a single mom and I
cannot always be there to monitor her.
ANSWER:
Many times a month I am asked, "how do I get my
kids to..... with the dog?". Or, "How do I get my husband to..... with the
dog?".
My answer is always the same. "You can't". It's
a well known fact that one human can only try to influence the actions
of another human. But, there's no guarantee that the other individual will
comply. We simply don't have that sort of control over other people's
behavior. Even incarcerated prisoners have a certain amount of "free
will" to do as they please.
My opinion is that, when children are involved, it
is the adult who is responsible for the dog's behavior. It is not fair to ask
young children to somehow impose their "dominance" over a dog. They simply cannot
do that. So, when the dog presents any sort of behavior that might even
suggest she is not acting respectful of the kids, the responsible adult in the
home must address the dog's behavior. If you cannot supervise the
interactions of people (including your children) to make certain that the dog
behaves appropriately around them, then management is the key. Management
might include crating the dog when you are not around. Management is about
controlling the dog in her environment.
Even homes with teenagers (who SHOULD be able to
follow their parent's directions and who may have developed appropriate
leadership skills with dogs), are sometimes irresponsible with the dog.
If the kids can't be trusted to behave properly around the dog (sometimes,
it's that they don't let the dog outside and there are housebreaking issues,
sometimes they leave doors open and the dog gets out on the street, sometimes
the dog is allowed to dominate them), then the kids need to be told, "leave
the dog in the crate until I get home". That's sad with teenagers, who,
if they had been raised properly should be responsible. But, if it's the truth of the matter
and the dog could be allowed to develop very bad habits, then the responsible adult(s) must be just that, responsible for the dog's actions.
It's great when every human in the household can
be the dog's "leader". But, the reality is that, for most homes, that's
simply not the case. Although some of my 4H kids are super at handling their
dogs at the young age of 9 or 10, children under around 12 are often
incompetent at projecting an aura of authority with a dog. And, although,
it's great when all (or most) of the folks in the household can perform the
task of "leader", the dog needs just one, highly dedicated, competent person.
And, that person needs to play the leadership role for the dog, imposing
expectations for behavior, especially for people who are not competent leaders
(including children, seniors or folks who simply refuse to take on the role,
themselves). When there are more competent leaders then those folks can
share the burden of responsibility for the dog's behavior.I simply define each person
in the home as "competent" or "incompetent" at canine leadership. A
spouse who is disinterested in playing the role of leader for the dog is
incompetent simply because s/he chooses not to play the role. That's not a
criticism, it's simply a judgment based on the reality of the situation.
I accept it, rather than fight with it. So, instead of ranting, "Honey,
the dog trainer says that you are supposed to correct Fluffy for jumping up on
you!", sometimes it's better for the dog if the dedicated, competent "leader"
simply addresses the dog's behavior by going to the dog and correcting the
jumping behavior.
I often joke with clients who ask me, "How do I
get my husband to.....", by replying, "Oh, I could tell you, but it's going to
cost you a lot more money!" Attempting to control the behavior of other
adults is a lot more challenging than controlling the behavior of dogs and if
I knew how to do it successfully, I'd be rich!
Neighbors or other guests into your home, too,
should not be considered "competent" leaders for YOUR dog. He's your
dog, not theirs. His behavior is your responsibility, not theirs.
So, I advise against falling prey to expecting others to interact
appropriately with your dog.
In particular, children should not be expected
to project an aura of authority over a dominant dog. It can be dangerous
and it's terribly unreasonable. I am aghast at how often I am asked how
to get a four or five year old child to properly interact with the dog.
It's simply beyond their abilities and terribly unfair to both the child and
the dog. It's dangerous and irresponsible. I prefer to be
realistic and assume the responsibility that I accepted when I brought dogs
into my home. I can control the dog's behavior far more effectively than
I can control the behavior of other humans! And, that is my typical
recommendation for folks who ask me how to "make" another person behave in a
way that may be beyond their ability and/or desire. If someone finds
that advice to be insufficient, then, I recommend that they seek a
professional that is equipped in teaching adults how to "make" their kids or
other adults behave. That's truly beyond my scope as a dog trainer.
© 2008 Tammie Rogers - all rights
reserved. For permission to reprint
email Tammie.
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